April 10th is a date I countdown to from April 11th onwards. My birthday is something I always, always look forward too and this is the first time I'm not. I don't want it to come.
I just know the minute it hits or like the minute it's April I'll start thinking about last year and how awesome it was to celebrate it with the people I considered some of my closest friends. And now? All but 2 are still my friends. And it's not that I don't appreciate the two... It's just gonna suck knowing in the span of a year so much can change.
I told myself I'd stop dwelling on this issue. What's done is done and I can't change how other people feel. Sure they don't care. They didn't care when the "incident" happened why should they care now right? Why should I waste my precious time thinking about them and the joy they used to bring to myself and the misery they bring now? I damn well should not. I've realized that they can live without me then I can too. Or at least I need to take the steps to start doing so.
I'm not gonna try and gain pity by saying they cut me off cos it's not true. I left because I was being attacked but subtly and not so. I didn't force anyone to come and ask me what happened or to pick sides. I deserve what I get for my actions and my actions allowed me to see who my real friend was. Someone who actually asked my side of the story, who cheers me up when I'm down and who seems to be always there for me.
But I honestly would not know how to act if I end up in the same class as them. There are superbly high chances of that happening next sem. Will I be alone? There's nothing worse than being alone in a room with a group of people who used to be your friends but now ( I'm just guessing) hate your guts or a feeling close to that.
And I get that this is a public blog and that the minute my name is googled it's accessible but I don't have a flying toot who reads this.
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